


If I Lose Everything in The Fire

by juniorstarcatcher



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Kylo Ren Redemption, Pregnancy, Redemption, Supreme Leader Kylo Ren, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-21
Updated: 2018-02-21
Packaged: 2019-03-22 05:22:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13757181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/juniorstarcatcher/pseuds/juniorstarcatcher
Summary: Rey accepted Kylo's offer to join him with the hopes that she could turn him towards the light. But when she becomes pregnant, she fears history is repeating itself.When Kylo discovers that Rey is pregnant, he's left with a choice: follow in Darth Vader's footsteps or answer the call to the light.





	If I Lose Everything in The Fire

**Author's Note:**

  * For [steffy2106](https://archiveofourown.org/users/steffy2106/gifts).



_ My beating heart belongs to you. _

_ I walked for miles ‘til I found you. _

_ If I lose everything in the fire, _

_ I’m sending all my love to you.” _

* * *

Rey was confident in The Force. And in her decision to take Kylo’s hand after the battle against The Praetorian guards. At first, she was reluctant to listen; she wanted him to turn from The Dark, away from his anger and his desire to erase everything he had been.

But she couldn’t. The Force whispered to her in her sleep.  _ Rey, these are your first steps.  _ And when she was in his arms.  _ Rey, these are your first steps. _ And when his lips were upon hers.  _ Rey, these are your first steps.  _

When her own strength couldn’t sustain her through Kylo’s darkest moments, when she thought she could never turn him away from the anger consuming him, that voice carried her. It was a promise from The Force, a promise that he could be turned. And she would be the one to do it. 

Sometimes, she saw flickers. Flickers of warmth. Of light. Of joy. Of a serene passion that could only come from The Light. Some mornings she woke to find him in their bed, his fingers brushing her cheeks in such a way that told her he was afraid of breaking her. Sometimes, he held her as if he were the only thing holding all of the shadows at bay. 

Her confidence, her certainty, her belief in The Force and in the soul of Ben Solo was what kept her hope alive. But then, there was a shift in the balance. Subtle, at first, but soon enough, it grew and grew until she couldn’t ignore it any longer. When she and Kylo were alone in a room, there were no longer two Force-sensitive beings there. There were three. 

She was pregnant. 

And it terrified her. 

She’d heard all of the stories and legends about the Fall of Darth Vader. The darkness had taken him because of his fear of losing his child and his wife. It consumed him, cannibalizing him from the outside in until there was nothing left of Anakin Skywalker; there was only Vader. Snoke had infected Kylo’s mind with myths about The Great Lord Vader, his grandfather, but where he saw someone to admire, Rey saw a shadowy nightmare of the man Ben could become. 

There were only two options: tell him everything and expect the worst, or run away and tell him nothing. Every selfish bone in her body urged her to tell him, to stay and fight for the soul of the man she loved. But… If running away meant saving The Galaxy from another Darth Vader… Was it cruel of her to even try to turn him? 

Anakin and Padme’s love had been one for the ages. A love across the stars. And it still hadn’t saved them.

But then there was that voice again.  _ Rey, these are your first steps.  _ And the choice became clear. She waited for him in their chambers, the grand, imposing place that was reserved for The Supreme Leader and his Consort. A room that had terrified Rey with its size and darkness until she excavated the ship’s hydroponics lab and added a few green plants and flowers and sun lamps to their rooms. Kylo had scoffed and called her a silly, sentimental girl for the gesture, but he didn’t tell her to move them or throw them away and, on occasion, when he was sure no one was looking, she’d caught him feeling the real leaves beneath his fingertips or bending down to smell the brightly colored petals. She chose this room instead of the Throne Room for just this reason; she wanted him surrounded by  _ her _ , by their life together, and the small bits of light he’d let into his dark existence. 

“Rey.” Kylo stopped in the doorway, intimidating in his full Supreme Leader ensemble. He’d stopped wearing his mask long ago, but the scars on his face sometimes offered a more menacing look than the mask. He knew immediately, as he always did, that something was wrong. “What’s wrong?”

She’d planned to come right out with it.  _ I’m pregnant. Please tell me it’s wonderful. Please hold me and tell me everything’s going to be alright _ . But the longer she looked at him, the more his eyes transfigured into his grandfather’s eyes, the eyes she’d seen while studying The Jedi and The Republic. Terror gripped at her throat, tighter than any force choke. 

“I…” 

“Tell me.”

“Ben.”

“Don’t call me that.”

There was no malice in his voice, no hatred. Just a kind of detached confusion. He’d once told her, in their quieter moments, that she needn’t ever be afraid of anything. Everything in the world deserved to be afraid of her. 

But if she was so strong, if she was so brave, if she was so formidable, then why was she the one crying? 

“I’m so afraid.”

He reached out a hand to touch her shoulder. “Of what?”

_ Rey, these are your first steps.  _

“I’m pregnant.” 

“You’re…” He recoiled from her as if she’d doused him in hot water. “I have to go.”

“Ben!  Ben!” She screamed, but he was gone before she’d even gotten his name out once. 

 

* * *

He was a lightning storm. An explosion in a ship’s hull. He was terror and fear and something like love all at once, a jagged and angry song that only Rey could hear. He stormed through the halls of his ship, ignoring the salutes and bows of the storm troopers and guardsmen alike. There were only his thoughts, only his destination. Nothing else.

Rey was the only thing in this galaxy that mattered to him. He would trade it all. The First Order. His dreams of revenge, of eradicating the Jedi and the shards of the Republic and the Rebellion and the Sith so they could never hurt anyone again. Everything would dissolve to dust if it meant he could keep Rey forever.

It was the attachment Snoke warned against. A draw to the light he could not longer fight. 

He reached his private chambers, his own personal temple with its centerpiece: the helmet of Darth Vader. Its gnarled face stared back lifelessly at him as he spoke, offering neither council nor guidance as he spoke. 

“I’m going to lose her. I’m going to lose the child. Just as you did, aren’t I?”

That was the curse of The Skywalkers, wasn’t it? Doomed to repeat a million blighted pasts over and over again, each parent passing down their failures through The Force until their legacy was intertwined with heartache and darkness. It crushed at him.

“I became Kylo Ren to avoid your mistakes. To destroy The Skywalker legacy. I can’t lose her. I can’t…” 

His own voice died in his throat as a vision, stronger than any he’d ever before experienced, overtook his entire being. They were fragments, images of things past and that would not yet be. He saw Anakin and Padme, embracing.  Anakin’s hand, reaching out to choke the woman he loved. The fear in Anakin’s eyes, the fear in Kylo’s eyes. The death of Padme. The heartbreak of Vader. And then… He and Rey taking hands after the death of Snoke. The first time Rey kissed him. Her small hand over her stomach. The smile she gave him when she thought he wasn’t looking. Images of their child, running through a field on Naboo, laughing at the water’s edge as Rey and Ben kissed against a golden sunset. 

He wanted to hold onto that image forever, but when he came to, Vader’s helmet, the last of his legacy, had disappeared. The Force had removed it from his temple, leaving him with only one thing, an unfamiliar feeling in his chest: hope. 

Anakin had chosen the path of The Dark Side. Of fear and rage. And it killed everything he loved. 

Ben Solo did not have to make the same mistake. 

And he wouldn’t.

* * *

Ten months later, and Rey still hadn’t gotten used to the sight of General Leia Organa and Ben Solo sitting next to one another, each of them holding one of their two twins. The war was over, the First Order destroyed, and Ben had buried Kylo Ren forever.

She no longer heard that voice.  _ Rey, these are your first steps _ no longer whispered itself in her ear. Instead, it had been replaced with new words, spoken by the voices of those she loved. Leia. Poe. Finn. Rose. And, of course, Ben. 

They were the words she whispered every night as she rocked her children to sleep, the words that sent them off into dreams. The words that saved a galaxy. 

_ May the Force Be with You.  _

**Author's Note:**

> I hoped you all liked this story! I've never written anything like this before, but I was so happy to write it for the Reylo Valentine's Exchange! Since this isn't the kind of story I usually write, I'd be so grateful if you could leave me some feedback or kudos below and let me know how I did! Thank you! I hope you enjoyed!


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